My life isn’t ideal.

What is ideal, really? I’m kind of starting to believe it doesn’t exist… we’ll long for something more ideal than what we have as long as we’re on this side of heaven.

In college I dreamed of all sorts of things. Becoming the editor of a major publication, traveling the world to find and tell of the stories of major moves of God, maybe working on a political campaign that I really believed in. Planting churches, writing books, and of course becoming well known for any or all of the above. I thought about law school at times. I got invited by the admissions director to look into getting a Masters of Public Service at the Clinton School for Public Service in Little Rock. And then of course, there was the dream of getting married, raising a family, etc.

I’ve done one of those things, and I suppose could be on my way to some of the others. But I think when we’re still in college we have this idea that as soon as we’re out in the real world all of a sudden there will be this triumphal entry into the trophy room of life where all our dreams just start coming true and are handed to us. The more I live though, the more I realize that the journey is the point. A “dream come true” has this finite implication, and once it comes true what do you do with it? I’m learning that everything will always be in process, and that’s a good thing.

So right now, my life isn’t exactly ideal. I have a degree I’m only half way using. I’m married, in a discipleship training school half the day (that’s changing my life by the minute), and raising three kids that aren’t mine the other half of the day. Some nights I spend quality time with my husband and others we cross paths during the hours we’re in the same bed and that’s about it. My daily routine consists of laundry, way too many trips to HEB, and cleaning up after everyone.

But somewhere in the middle of it all, God is doing something. We’re in a place and a community I can’t imagine my life without, getting to be a part of a movement that I’m asking myself all the time, “how did we end up here?” And there will be a church plant, and there will be stories to be told, because God knows what we long for and He longs to give us good gifts. He’s opening doors as we go, and instead of having a dream just handed to us, we’re getting to see it develop and slowly come to life. And it’s way better.

In the meantime, I’m learning how to care for people selflessly. I’m learning how to hold on to promises patiently. I’m learning how to drive slowly and enjoy the scenery. I’m learning to appreciate every season, and get the most out of every unexpected pit stop.

And I’m learning how to navigate HEB with my eyes closed in record time, fold laundry like a champ, and drive the soccer car pool without getting lost or crying. And that has to count for something.

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