Dear Envy

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Envy (noun) 

1. A feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else’s possessions, qualities or luck.
2. A life ruiner. (from the dictionary of Sara Gilmore)

I could feel Envy begin to sneak in and try to befriend me. I even listened to her at times. This is her favorite season to invade someone’s life: in the space between the conception of dreams and their actual birth. It’s the place where our belief and faith tend to be in their shakiest state. Everything growing inside our hearts that we’re believing for is still in the unseen.

She loves to comfort you in this time and whisper her soothing lies in your ear until you begin to think they’re truth. I was guilty of listening to her.

“Look at all these people around you, your age and in your same season of life, doing and being everything you wish you could. Why hasn’t God done what He promised? He must have forgotten you.” 

“I know you’re tired, I understand you. It’s OK for you to let hatred and bitterness grow in your heart — you deserve it. He hasn’t paid attention to you. You’re alone. I’m all you have. Let me be your comfort.”

We’ve all felt it, that feeling when you look at someone else who seems to have what you want, and your heart sinks and you feel resentment rise, because you still feel like you’re exactly where you started, however many months or years ago. 

Well, I got sick of Envy trying to coax me into friendship with her. So I wrote her a letter.  

Dear Envy,

I know you think you belong here with me, and I know I’ve left the door unlocked for you to come in and make yourself at home. It’s time for you to go, though.

You made me think we could be friends. When I felt distant from God, you swept in to try and take His place — like a jealous ex-boyfriend, trying to capitalize on a weak place between me and my first love. You never cared for me, you only care that I’m not happy without you right here next to me.

You are a thief of joy, a ruiner of relationships and a wedge between me and my Father.

You told me He forgot about me, and for a second I believed you. You said He wasn’t coming, and that I should just embrace the fact that I’m on my own. You encouraged me to be angry and resentful, because I had fought hard and gotten nowhere, and I deserved to be mad about it.

You’re wrong. He loves me, and He has promised good things, and just being in His Presence, in the absence of anything else I have ever dreamed of, is worth it. 

You, on the other hand, are miserable to be around. You thought you could convince me that in the absence of what I want, you’re my best companion. I’m not convinced. I hate your company. So pack your bags and get out, because I’m locking the door this time and you won’t be coming back in.

I will not entertain any more adulterous thoughts of spending time with you. My heart is His, and He has welcomed me home as He always does, even though I allowed you in for a few days. His promises for me are true, and I would rather dwell in His house forever with nothing else on this earth to my name than spend one more hour in your presence.

Go back to hell in the company of all the misery you belong with. I’m staying here, where you aren’t allowed to trespass. I’m a princess here, so you have to go when I tell you to leave.

Goodbye forever,

Sara

[Seals envelope. Burns contents of envelope. Walks away, free.]

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